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Hey there,
Last week I ended the newsletter with some advice on how
to recognize when the mind is leading you astray. I listed
some tricks of the mind ("you
should..." is my mind's favorite) and some
questions to ask yourself to be guided to the correct
decision. If you remember, the third question was "Is
it one of your shadows?"
In today's issue, we'll dig into these shadows,
how to accept them, and how to use them as a strength.
That's Not Who I Really Am
Does this sound familiar? You do something which
wasn't very wise, regretted it, and then looked back
and thought that's not me.
Well, you're probably right. These things which we
push away and say that they're not me: they are our
shadows. They're the things we learned from the
people around us in order to keep us safe.
In Human Design, they come from our openness—in other
words, the centers which aren't colored in. They are
the places where we're meant to learn from others.
Not necessarily to be that, but rather to be wise
about it.
It's like going to an art museum. You read the signs
and look at the paintings. You see those by Monet, by Van
Gogh. You're not trying to become a painter.
You're appreciating the talent of others. You gain
wisdom.
You go to an art museum to appreciate painters, not to
become one
This is the purpose of the open centers. You gain wisdom,
are able to recognize who are using their energies
correctly, and who are not. This is true wisdom: to
understand how to work together to create the world you
desire.
The problem comes when you see these people and think
I can do that! It's like starting to paint
and tell yourself "If Monet can paint water lilies,
so can I!" And maybe you can. But if you find
yourself continually
frustrated but yet push
yourself and ignore your
gut: that's the Not
Self.
The Not Self shows itself in different ways. It might be a
belief that you have to rush and finish things. Or that
you need to be loud in order to be seen. But regardless of
the voice it takes, it always comes out sounding like you.
Because the mind is the voice of the Not Self.
The other thing that an open function does is, when not
healthy, to amplify and distort. So everything in
this open function is calm and peaceful until whoops
someone with definition walks in. If you're not
feeling calm and balanced, you can pick up the energy and
send it right back to them, but all distorted. Just like a
mic too close to a speaker, the feedback can be brutal.
Like a poorly amplified system, an open function can
create bad feedback
The Shadow of Overcompensating
Let's take my top shadow, which is
Overcompensating. It comes because I have
an undefined Willpower center. Which means I do not have a
consistent access to willpower.
People who do have consistent, dependable Willpower are
able to regularly use their sheer force of will to get
things accomplished. They are very powerful people. When
they make a promise, they always follow through. But they
also can tend to create a lot of drama through doing
things their own way. They are selfish, and I don't
mean that in a necessarily bad way. It's how they are
designed, and it is beautiful.
(By the way, you also do not have consistent,
dependable Willpower. So you may find that rather than
promising, saying "I'll do my best" will
work well for you. Practice and see!)
There are many people who have great success doing what
they know is the best way and pushing others through their
force of will. And I can appreciate that. I can see who is
doing this correctly, and who is doing it clumsily. And
with this wisdom, I know who I can trust to follow through
on their promises and who are trying to take me for a
ride. This is wisdom.
Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada definitely has a
defined Willpower
However, if I instead looked at these people and thought
"well if they can do it, I can too", this is
where I would tend to overcompensate. If someone asked me
to do something, I would right away agree to do it. And
then when the time came to do it, I would feel absolutely
miserable and frustrated. Trying to get other people to do
things through my own force of will never feels good, and
creates resentment. I would just be bossy.
So with the knowledge of my design, I am given the
permission to not make promises that I can't keep. I
don't compare myself to others and try to control
others through my will. Because I know that this is not
why I'm here.
Your Top Shadow
Way back in my first email to you, I shared your #1
shadow. Most people have others. This is just the one
that, for people with your design, tends to create the
most problems, if you aren't aware of it.
Here it is again:
Overcompensating —
trying to prove yourself through willpower and commitments — caused by
inconsistent Willpower
No need to go into detail here about this one, as
I've covered it above.
My question for you: how does this show up for you?
But There's a Remedy!
I wouldn't be telling you about your shadow if I
didn't have a remedy. You already know it:
wait to respond before engaging, and then follow your gut!
You are your own doctor!
The remedy is not an antidote. Following your strategy
will not make the Not Self disappear. But as you become
familiar with its tricks and its voice, you will become
less reactive and start to make healthy choices.
You'll notice that when you do what the Not Self
says, it frequently creates
frustration. You will see that when
you ignore it and instead listen to your
gut, you will more likely
find satisfaction.
Within the Shadow Lies the Gift
And the gift is wisdom. The wisdom to recognize where
others are correctly utilizing their own unique strengths.
The wisdom to see who are the fakers. The wisdom to see
the beauty in not having a fixed way to do things and to
instead be fluid and flexible, based on who is around and
how you feel in the moment.
I have found for me one of my greatest gifts comes from my
open Conceptualization function. Its shadow is acting like
you're certain of things, and we see that across
social networks: everyone is arguing that they are certain
that they are right! I have found the wisdom of never
being certain, which means I can see other perspectives.
It's not good for being firm on a particular
perspective, but after I embraced it as a part of me, I
have grown to love it.
This is what shadow work really is: embracing the part
that we used to reject and see it as the beauty that makes
each one of us unique.
I wish for you to cultivate all of your gifts, both those
that are your defined strengths, as well as those which
come from embracing your shadow.
With love,
Shawn
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